Thursday, March 18, 2010

Hmm... What's next?


The military has been on the brain. [Air force to be exact]...

[... This... is odd.
I thought about it once before for like a second... maybe 5... and NEVER again. I was like "Naaaahhhh... nope, not fa me." ]

I've lived the military lifestyle. And, while it is for some, it isn't for me. I've just had my fill. Nothing against it. It's just like I said, it isn't for me... just not a preference. I want a different lifestyle... a "normal" lifestyle. I, of all people, don't throw normal around like that, but to keep things short, it'll suffice. I'm sure people know what I'm getting at. I don't want to live on base anymore. I want to live in a city. In a regular house, or apartment. I would prefer to skip the BDUs as my regular work attire. Really, I just don't want to live on base or in base housing any longer. Everything else would be workable I suppose. I also don't want to move around every 5 years.

That being said...
I want my own place. I want a steady income. I want to finish my education and not have to be burdened by the stress of paying for my classes while trying to concentrate on them. I also don't want to depend on my mom to pay for them. I want to be proactive.

The military can get me all of those things, but it requires some compromise from myself.

Also, (side note)... During basic training, I don't want to have to shower in the open, with other females. I would prefer my goodies remain unseen (lolz) by anyone other than myself, and my future hubby... and I don't mean a bf... I'm talkin' HUSBAND stat yo. :D

Anywho... I go back and forth with the idea. I would only plan on staying in for the four years so that I could pay and get my GI Bill for college as well as be able to get on my feet and be able to get a good job when I got out. If I get married, I won't have to worry about where to live and how to pay for it, it would be taken care of.

Only thing I fear...
Is that I'll become complacent with getting that steady income and stay in longer. This means that I won't be following on with what I really love to do: art. I would be settling for money and security's sake. I want to do only what God has purposed me to... actually...
I guess that would be the answer hm?

So God, I put it in Your hands. I'm not going to worry about it anymore. Yeah, I want this and that, but I want what You want/have for me more. If You lead me to the military for a season as purely a step, then that is where I will step. If not, and I have to hold off on all that I want for a minute, then so be it. I WILL wait for You. I know that Your plan far exceeds anything I could even attempt to come up with as a solution or future. Your plan, alone, will fulfill me. And I do know that God. I do. I just forget sometimes when I get distracted with impatience. Father help me to stay patient. I know You got me. <3

iight fam...
That's all para today.
Just thought I'd express my thoughts.
Be Blessed mmk Pumpkins? (and by pumpkins I mean readers lolz)
God is Love and all that you need. Trust.

Photo by B aka Me
Model: Tyrell Scott

This is just a side note for me so nobody has to read further...

[While this is on my mind... Ima just write it down as a reminder.
WAIT B! Until you get an answer, DO NOT... I repeat, DO NOT MOVE. You will regret it. Whatever door "by some chance" opens (it's not just some chance, there's an assignment), if you do not get a answer from God... Don't move! Don't think that it is your only chance. God is your source... your windows of opportunity are in Him. Don't forget that. Kapeesh?!]

Monday, March 15, 2010

Keeping up with the...

Yeah so, I mean I should be working on my class if I'm actually taking time out of my tv watching, mindless web surfing, pretty much anything mind numbing, day, to think, right? Well, maybe, maybe not. OR MAYBE... I should just use my God given brain and stop suppressing all my thoughts with any distraction I can find. Then maybe I could sleep at night without my mind racing. I wonder if my mind races hours on end when I'm trying to go to sleep because I never give it a chance to during the day. Hm. Food for thought. Speaking of "food for thought" another day, another blog. I'll write on that one later .


I was thinking today while playing dress up. [yes I still play dress up...moving on] I was thinking, "you know... I really am a simple girl. I've been to places like Honduras and Spain [and not just the completely Americanized tourist areas... but the places with glimpses of their actual culture...not their complete culture, but a glimpse] and I absolutely loved it. I loved the laid back simplicity of it all. I love the weather. I love the tropics. I love the food :D. I love the beach. I just loved it. When I say simplicity... I mean life minus the distraction of everything we've adopted as our everyday living norms; tv, computer, cell phones, constant music, and the worry that comes along with obtaining all of this and the like... and more.

I really don't think we were designed to live this life that we've become so accustomed to living. That's just it... we've become accustomed, so we feel like we need to live like this, pursing all that we're made to believe we're supposed to pursue.

Really though, people still want outside of the influences but don't always realize it because they've become complacent and they numb their minds all day and don't make a moment to think to even realize it. Some people want to be tanner, or thinner, or more in shape, healthier, not live to work or work to live... people just want to chill sometimes... We want all this because I feel like we were naturally designed to live like that anyways.

Before man [mankind] sinned, everything was handed to them as a gift of life. The garden was created for them. After, God said that we would have to work in order live. I don't believe that means to have a 9 to 5 to get a paycheck to be able to get by, by buying. You know what I'm saying?... But to toil, to actually harvest and hunt and gather... work the land... actually work for the food through the process of the harvest, instead of just having the garden that was made for them. No, now they... [we] would have to make the gardens with the resources that we have.

As I was saying before... "How we're designed to live..." people stay inside all day watching tv or surfing the net or texting or playing video games or something and they don't get outside and play and exercise and get sun. Instead people are lightened by laziness, and fattened from fatigue from being used to doing nothing and then want to buy self tanners to get the sun that they don't and diet pills or machines to get the exercise that they don't, all to make up for it... All to give us what we naturally desire in a way that is unnatural to us so it is, in turn, harder and discouraging. It's going against the grain.

Am I making sense? I feel like I'm not making my point clear. It's hard to organize my thoughts sometimes.

I'd just like to say that everything we're told "is for our good, to make life more convenient and fun...," it's all counterproductive and deceit. It's a lie being fed to us. This is what they're presenting:
"Here, use this lawn mower that you can ride around on. It is more convenient, and will give you more time in your day for yourself to just sit back and relax..."
What they know and aren't saying:
"Here, BUY this lawn mower that you can ride so that you will have to exert less energy, get less exercise, and then have to turn around and buy diet pills and machines to get you looking and feeling better... get you to a state and condition you would be closer to, had you just used a regular lawn mower and walked a little bit. But if you ride the lawn mower, you will get done faster and will be able to go back inside and sit down and watch tv so that we can advertise more things to you that you don't need, so as to make you want to buy them from us, so that we can get your money! :D"

Life in America, I'm sorry to say, is built on consumerism... it's made for the dollar... not us. And that's really about it.

We're all chasing after images sold to us. And yet... even when some people actually acquire what they're told will give them fulfillment, they are still and sometimes more depressed... They do drugs and drink, and try all these different things to make them temporarily feel good because, naturally, they don't. They don't feel satisfied because all of that will not completely satisfy. It just won't. It can't ever do that because it isn't what we truly, whether we realize it or not, desire and/or need.

So... anyways. This is it so far. Like I said, I was just thinking. I live that life too so everyone knows... I'm just not satisfied with it is all. And by the way. I do LOVE fashion, and make up, and electronics, and all that, that everybody else loves. But maybe I need to cool it a little bit... you know not indulge so much and incorporate a little bit of balance. That's all

But ok, I'm out for now.
I'll add on or not later. We'll see.
Be Blessed Fam!
God is love and where it's at. By "it," I mean everything you want and need . :)

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Ladies: You Are More!

(Dialogue between God and me.) :: Inspired By The Father (God)

You are more

You are more than your thighs...
So lovely in tact.
You are more than your curves
In the front and the back!

You are more than your lips,
Which I've perfected jus rite.
You are more than your smile,
And it shines o so bright!

You are more than the sway,
And the roll of your hips
And the depth of your mind...
Still you are more than this!

You are more than your hair,
And your eyes what a set!
You are more than your shape,
Such a lovely silhouette.

You are more than your laugh,
Which is much to my delight.
Father more than all this?
I am more in your sight?

Am I more than negatives,
To which I often take heed?
You are more than the curses.
So much more indeed!

Am I more than my faults...
Than the flaws in my shade?
Child there is no imperfection.
You were wonderfully made!

You are more than your assets,
And your skin...what a tone!
O how you radiate!
Still you're more than beauty alone.

Am I more than my strength,
And my weakness the same?
Am I more than disappointments...
More than my guilt and my shame?

Am I more than my worry?
Am I more than my doubt?
Babygurl dont you hear me?
You have nothing to worry about!

Am I more___
You are more than your heart...
So much more than your soul.
You are more than achievments.
You are more than your goals.

You are more than your past,
Full of forgotten mistakes.
You are more than the regrets
That you can't seem to shake.

You are more than the opinions,
And foul comments of man.
Please don't let that shape u.
You must understand...

They don't see your worth...
Who I've created you to be.
Searching is above you.
Leave the match making to me!

Now the I husband made for you...
Trust, with him you'll be pleased.
To me he is devoted.
So he'll see wut I see.

"Your worth is far above rubies...
More than your weight in gold"
This is wut he'll say.
He listens to what he's told.

Still you're more than all this,
Cuz when everything's passed...
You're still my heart!
And that's something that lasts!

Photo by B aka Me

Model: Tierra Scott

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

What are you searching for?

If God is a God of comfort...our Prince of Peace...our source of joy...strength...fulfilment...

satisfaction, etc., then WHY when we're in need of those things do we search for comfort, peace, strength, fulfillment, joy, satisfaction???? We do not have those things because they come along with Christ! We must seek God FIRST and then all those things shall be added. HELLO Britt!...Illumination!...[Praise and glory to God]

Now I know that scripture is talking about us worrying about what we will eat or wear [in its words] BUT... I am talking about God knowing our needs, whatever they may be. Whether it is food, clothing, or comfort. Everything we need is in Christ, so draw nearer to Him. OR learn the hard way as I did and seek everything you need (and/or want) instead. Do not be surprised with what you end up with... Nada. Further, just to reiterate my point (and be redundant), if you are wanting to get in shape, do you just look up how to do it and expect results? No, that would be stupid. So why do we do that with Jesus? Our interest should be in Him, TRUSTING that His interest is in us, and in turn, knowing that He knows what we need and will take care of it.

We need Christ, and nothing else. If people would stop searching for relief from their troubles and just seek God, they would have fulfillment. Believe that.

And when I say seek God, I mean spending time with Him. Through His word is one way. This is not to find anything substantial dealing with your current situations. It is just taking time out to devote to Him. Forget about your problems. Forget about everything for just a moment out of your day and delight yourself in the Lord. Tell Him that you love Him, and just read. Just read to read and to hear and learn and be enlightened and you will be delighted... in God.

I am just now realizing all of this. I had been doing everything that I am stressing everyone not to do and was getting nowhere. I wanted fulfillment, peace, joy, comfort, separation from all my heartache and stress and got none of it... because I was looking for it. I praise God for this illumination because life for me was looking very hopeless and depressing. It is easier to come by these days what with all the tragedy in the world. I was just looking at everything thinking gosh... what a horrible place we have to live in. I wanted to numb myself from everything. I wanted to separate myself from anyone that I've ever loved [including my family] and could ever possibly love because I didn't want to ever feel what I am feeling right now again. But I can't do that.

There are some things in your life that will cause you pain and you will not be happy. BUT, joy is still possible because it isn't happiness. What I said before, if anyone noticed, was pertaining to the subject. It is to be careful not to become distracted, from your joy, with your happiness. Trust me it makes sense (if you're wondering). Happiness is determined by your circumstances. Money, cars, clothes, women or men... all of that can bring you happiness... but it is temporal. Joy is not. Joy is of the Lord. It is your strength to get through when your happenings don't bring you happiness.

So how can you become distracted from joy with happiness? It is easier than you think. People do it everyday. Their dreams, aspirations, and desires are consumed by it. People seek the natural and material because it is advertised to them. It is made to look like something to be sought after but please do not be fooled. All of the advertisements, music videos, and episodes of cribs, in their abundance, will not be able to cover up the lie for too much longer.

What I wrote about delighting yourself in the Lord before... the fulfillment you get from that is, I believe to be, far beyond anything money can bring you for a time, whether it is a brief moment, or a major part of your life. It does end, for some, worse than others. One can only hope that it ends while they are still alive and can receive the wake up call. And what is more with God is that His love is never failing- this will fill and fully satisfy... The joy that comes from the Father is ever-lasting... and will strengthen you... and hold you... and keep you eternally. That's FOREVER.

Anyways... I won't hold any body up any longer if they've gotten to the end.

Love u Fam

Be Blessed!

God is love!